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Jonathan Sibley's Coaching & Psychotherapy Blog

The Power of Multiple Points of View

How often have you had a fight that felt like a tug-of-war, with each of you pulling as hard as you can for a different position? If you are like most people, fights like this don't feel good. And, not only do these fights feel particularly bad, but they also are usually quite ineffective at changing either person's mind about the issue at stake. One of the reasons this approach often fails is that each person is fighting so hard for his or her position that the other position seems like it is not being taken seriously.

Why most New Year's resolutions are doomed to fail

Most New Year's resolutions are, at best, valiant efforts doomed to fail. It's important to ask why so many efforts, repeated year after year, fail within months, if not weeks.

I believe that there are at least 4 reasons that most New Year's resolutions are ineffective and discarded long before achieving our goals:

New Website for Montclair Psychotherapists Counselors and Colleagues

Happy Holidays!

If you are a psychotherapists or counselor in Montclair NJ or in neighboring towns, I have created a website that will allow you to network with colleagues.

For now, the site will be for professionals, only. In the future, I expect professionals to be able to let the public know about their specialties, groups, workshops, etc.

Please take a look. Click the link for the new website for Montclair therapists.

How to Improve Communication - Did Your Partner Expect You to Feel What You Are Feeling?

Just as the message received by your partner may not be the message you thought you were communicating, the message you think you have received may not be the message your partner intended to communicate.

Your partner may say something that leaves you feeling:

  • Hurt
  • Embarrassed
  • Ashamed
  • Angry

Your brain may react almost instantaneously, so quickly that it seems obvious that your partner must have known you would react like this and that he or she must have intended you to feel this way. Sometimes, this may be accurate.

How to Improve Communication – Dealing with Misunderstandings

One of the most common sources of misunderstandings and fights in the couples I see comes from an assumption that our partner is understanding what we communicate the way we intend them to understand it. You may be familiar with a game called “telephone”, in which a message gets passed orally from one person to another – often, the message has been completely transformed by the time it reaches the last person.

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